


Comfortable Distance

by HandShark



Category: JackSepticEye (YouTube RPF), Markiplier (YouTube RPF), Septiplier - Fandom
Genre: (sorta) - Freeform, Angst, Comfort, Other, Self-Loathing, triggering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-29
Updated: 2015-07-29
Packaged: 2018-04-11 20:23:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,631
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4450922
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HandShark/pseuds/HandShark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Theres a comfort at being a distance from another person. Distance is safe. A blanket that shields others from the truth and holds back the chances of messing up and making a fool of one's self... but it also holds back the opportunities, sites to see, and the people who care most about you...</p>
            </blockquote>





	Comfortable Distance

**Author's Note:**

> Septiplier stories about struggling with self issues and growth. Nothing to harshly bad but warnings will still be posted along with each chapter.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> from anon:
> 
> JACK AND MARK LIKE OH MY GOD JACK LOOKS UP TO MARK SO MUCH AND MARK IS HIS HERO WHO HE ADORES AND HE DOESNT EXPECT ANYTHING IN RETURN BUT IMAGINE MARK WHO IS RIDGED WITH THE SCARS OF THE DARK TIMES HE HAS BEEN THROUGH AND IMAGINE HIM LOOKING AT JACK AND SEEING A SOUL WITH NO BLEMISHES OR WOUNDS AND WHO IS JUST A BRIGHT SPARK OF LIFE AND REALISING HOW MUCH HE CARES AND JUST JACK AND MARK JACK AMR MARK J ACK AND MA. R RNKR K
> 
> Literally what was said to write this.

Jumping, not really jumping it’s more like bouncing on the fronts of his feet. He can’t really contain the feeling that’s flowing through him now plus this is the kind of thing you’d expect from someone who yells at excitement. He can’t really stop his expression from lighting up either and his face is starting to hurt from smiling so big that he has to rub his cheeks to calm himself down. 

Then again being in the presence of someone whom you’ve admired for so many years it’s hard to hold anything back. Just thinking about it gets him worked up cause ‘wow’ _he’s_ right here in the flesh and nothing in his life so far can compare to it.

You could call him silly for being so giddy and childish but no one can take this from him. You don’t get to meet your hero face-to-face everyday and he knew, without-a-doubt, Mark would say other wise which just adds to the fact of why he looks up to him so much.

Jack is standing in the hall waiting for the man to make his way to him but its going so slow and Jack can’t take it anymore, indefinitely after Mark gives him a toothy smile and now he’s running down the hall to him instead. It’s a good thing Mark really didn’t mind that he just attacked him as they're first encounter (cause he’s hugging back too!) and god he has the best hug. 

Jack has to keep himself from getting too overly emotional cause he really doesn’t want to cry in-front of his friend (and don’t even get him started on that cause being able to be considered a friend to Mark is beyond comprehension) He relinquishes the hold and looks to Mark who’s cheeks are so up in his face its making his eyes squint and Jack adores how much nicer that is to see that in person (even could notice how much darker the under of his eyes look). 

“Sorry about that man, I just got really excited. Its finally awesome to finally meet you in person,” Jack had stepped back to give the other man some room, scratching at the back of his head before looking back up to him.

“No its perfectly fine,” Mark shakes his head while looking down (in a bit of disbelief himself) but holds a kind expression as he looks back to Jack with bright eyes. “Its great to finally meet you too Sean.” Jack smiles wider showing off the top of his teeth when Mark used his actual name. 

Its so weird how much impact Mark had on him from millions of miles away he wondered if that’s what it was like to be a fan or if that’s how people who know each other from long distance feel when they finally meet? Its not like they haven’t Skyped to talk to each other face to face but being _right in-front of person_ is a different experience all together. Jack's just extremely happy in this moment; honored by it and really whatever comes from getting to know Mark in person didn’t matter to him. 

He didn’t care about if he’d felt the same way about him, or if he was actually a lot different in person then online, maybe that he might be a bit more intense or rude. Call it ignorance but he really looked up to the man and people put him on such a high pedestal that if the pressure got to him and he acted a lot different due to having to keep up appearances that Jack understood. People shouldn’t really expect him to be so great; he's only human. Jack knew this and was well aware that Mark wasn’t a superhero nor was he perfect but to him this is what made him so great (to not be perfection) and to be able to share in a new experience together is all that Jack really wanted from him.

 

——

 

He swallowed, closing his eyes as he adjusted saliva in his mouth and breathed out his nose before blinking them slowly open again. He looked to his left to see the time on his phone that was lying on the table next to the couch before sighing and leaning forward. Resting his elbows on his knees as his sunk his head into his hands while the pressure of his hands pushed his glasses further into his face. It was going to be another day like that.

Time had to go slow when this happened and Mark hated that it did. It made things worse when you had time to sit and think while your mind ate away at you from the inside. It’s not like he should feel bad for this, he deserved it and should take it like it is, but fuck his emotions always get the better of him. 

He took another deep breath to keep from letting anything out (especially tears cause he really didn’t want his face burning) Sometimes though, its hard to keep it inside, hard to warrant raging thoughts to keep still when your body reacts before you’d allow it to.  

Took another deep breath, pulling in air more forcefully through his nose as pushed back mucus that was starting to form. Of all the days it had to be this one? Of course after having such a good high the world needed to balance it’s self again so its right that this was happening. He had literally just got back from the airport after seeing Sean off, back to Ireland. And its like Sean took all the light with him.

It was the first time meeting him since they’d became friends. It was like a title wave of emotion that literally smacked into him and held on for dear life. He knew Sean was going to be different in person but to be greeted to that was like being slapped in the face.

He irradiated happiness and Mark was taken back by it; still taken back when he thinks of him. Sean just literally wiped away all things that had him stressed and weighed him down up to that point and took him away to a state of sear bliss; not only for that moment but for the entire weekend. Mark laughed at the recollection, lifting his head to where his fingers interlaced and his mouth rested on them. 

It was like the man didn’t have a care in the world and even though Mark was well aware of how many nights the two would be talking and Sean would be so tired because of work or stress but never stopped because he was happy; because he wanted to talk to him. The man had a soul with no blemishes who could instantly spark life into a room full of dead individuals. That’s really the reason he’s gotten so far in his career and in only a matter of a few months.

Mark grimaced. His face scrunged into the center between his eyes as he inhaled deeply again through his nose, trying to hold back again but god was it pulling on him strongly all of a sudden. Its not like he didn’t deserve to feel this way. God he deserved it. Deserved to feel wretched for being such an idiot. For throwing away the career his father wanted for him. He wasn’t making much of an influence with Youtube; sure it made others happy and he would never tell you once that every single one of his followers deserved to be happy but ** _he_ ** didn’t deserve them.

HE just wasted his life away on something that might not even last! Just look at him, he’s miles away from home crashing on people couches cause he doesn’t want to go back to the bareness of his apartment, disappointing everyone when he _'doesn’t feel’_ like posting and God knows how much his family questions him now. What would his dad think of his choices?

A small sound escaped him as he inhaled threw his mouth staring at the now burry floor; liquid spewing from his eyes running familiar tracks down his cheeks as he pulled back his nose to keep it from running. His father would never hate him for this but not knowing always tore him from the inside. Not to mention everything he should have done with him before he passed. 

Mark took his right hand up under his glasses as he held his right eye with his thumb and let other fingers hold the left and sniffled before smacking his lips together; hissing breaths in and out through his lips as a lump in his throat began to form. This is what he gets for missing out on opportunities and is the reason an actual work place didn’t want him. He was nothing but a blubbering mess of emotion that never took life seriously enough. It was probably also why he was still alone since his last girlfriend left him. 

The thought raged a deep hit within him again that psychically hurt his chest; so bad so that its collision split to all around it; making his stomach sick, his shoulders ache, and his throat want to spill over contents that it didn’t have only making the lump in it scrape at the insides as it grew tighter. He gasped, phlegm induced spit full of a mouth that was audible as he further sunk into the loathing that has held with him for years. His head was pounding now thinking back to it all and everything (which was usual for him when moments hit like this) but what stood out really nagged at him. _Sean_. 

Out of all of his friends he had, Sean was the one who actually made him feel like he genuinely cared; didn’t make him feel like shit. Its not like any of his friends didn’t care about him; a lot of them really do, but the connection he had with the Irishman really was like no other and it made him feel horrible because he really didn’t deserve a good friend like that. He didn’t deserve any so it was probably good he was so far away from them, why his fans were so far away so they didn’t have to see this, to witness how much of a dunce he actually was. Why Sean was going away. 

Mark sat up straight, swallowing; neck bobbing in the motion as he sniffed a few times through his nose trying to compose himself cause he really had no reason to be crying like this. He should just embrace the darkness rather then feel sorry for himself and sit in woe. He’s really nothing to feel sorry for. He sniffed once more as his eyes focused better, head at a dull pounding as his eyes looked around; turning to his left when he notice a light blinking on his phone and grabbed it, swiping it opened as he readjusted spit in his mouth again. 

He screwed his brows together when he noticed the notification was from Sean and selected it to see it was few messages; he must have sent him them while he was crying (didn’t even hear his phone go off) He read through them and his brow arched as his eyes widened. There was a small moment before his expression morphed back to hold from letting things flow again but he was already there and the tears escaped as he had to physically grab at his mouth to hold back from waling aloud.

_‘Flight still not off yet so i’d thought i’d text ya’_

_‘They really dragg the whole thing on and man it is annoygn’ ‘_

_‘Sorry i keep bothering ya. i’m sure you on your way home so thats why you haven’t messaged back’_

_'Why did I put that? god it’s not like Skype where you can delete the silly messages but i kind of want you to get them hehe :p’_

_‘Its a perfect time to let you in on somethin’ and I hope it brings you a smile when you get the chance to read this’_

_‘*Ahem* **Mark Edward Fischbach** , I want you to know how much joy you’ve brought me this weekend. I look up to you and always have. I know you tell me not to tell you those things cause you’re just like any other person but I want to tell you your not. Your not some inhuman being that needs worship but your more incredible then you realize and I want you to have a reminder of how much you make me want to strive to be a better person. I should have told you this in person but I know I was being an awkward loser and upset I had to leave you (and everyone)’_

_‘Your even cooler in person then I was expecting and it made ever moment hanging out with you even better then the long conversations on Skeop’_

_‘Damn you stupid thumbs, Skype* God I have agg’d this on for so long and just rambling now but I really want you to know your my Hero, Mark. Your someone I have the grace to get to know and really hope to get to know you further, as selfish as it sound I don’t want this to be the only time we meet each other (nor the only time we hang out be conventions) Your really my best friend and I’m sooo sorry that comes off so cheesy but dude you really are cause i don’t consider anyone else to fit the bid.’_

_‘Gotta go now they’re making us turn off devices. gezz you think paying this much for a ticket you’d get some free wifi so I can annoy you on Skype but what can ya do’_

_‘See you Mark and know you’re incredible and thank you for letting me get to know you’_

 

He was clutching the phone, body bend forward as he held his mouth crying profusely before finally choking out a cough cause he couldn’t breath properly. Fucking Sean always had a way of talking to him when he needed it most. He just knew somehow when he got into a state to send a message or snap-chat of something silly. Even in his videos he managed to insert something of _himself_ and Mark just so happened to be watching the video when he was in an emotional state. He did it without even realizing it. 

It hurt so much when he did things like this. Not that it hurt him in that way but to feel some unbeknownst of good about himself made him react when he knew he didn’t deserve it at all and God was this the hell of a time to tell him this.

Its like he didn’t actually take all the light with him, or that the light was there and just needed to be lit. Sean literally had the power of reaching and latching on to his chest then pulling away any darkness that had crept in around it and could do it with out even touching him. His words had that strong of an affect on Mark.

And regardless of how he felt, how bad of a state he was in, even to the point of temping to pick back up bad coping mechanisms, which he had to stop because of Youtube. Sean made his heart swell and gave him something to cling to in the dark. If anyone truly cared about him it was Sean. Mark couldn’t help let it out in his tears cause he didn’t deserve it, but Sean made him feel like he did, and for just a moment he felt like nothing could take him down.


End file.
